I wrote this about 5 years ago but I think a few of you might find it enjoyable.
--molly

Cinderella Syndrome

With Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire; Joe Millionaire, Bridezilla, Married by America and now My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, the Fox Network has become must-see t.v. and I, for one, am glued to my set.

In this season's matrimonial sham, lucky lady, Randi, must convince her family that she's in love with a man she met only two weeks prior on a reality game show. She must get her family to attend her wedding ceremony in order to win $500,000. Her parents are not clued in on the sham and trouble brews as Randi's "fiance" attempts to be the most offensive man possible. Should any member of Randi's family refuse to take part in her wedding, the poor girl gets nothing.

Perhaps I've been married too long. Perhaps I'm a little jaded. But I can't be the only one thinking, okay, granted Mr. Fiance is no Prince Charming but he's not such a bad guy. So he likes to dance around in his tighty-whities and he's a little gassy at the dinner table, is that really a deal breaker?

The funniest part for me is watching Randi's expressions; her horror and dismay at the ogre she has to pass off as her one true love. Randi, you see, suffers from Cinderella Syndrome.

Ladies, hasn't Randi, and others like her, suffered enough? I say, if we can sue McDonalds for our own clumsy hands spilling coffee in our laps and we can sue the Phillip Morris Tobacco Company for our willful pursuit of bad breath, yellow teeth and lung cancer, why not sue the Disney Corporation for our Prince Charming Complex - a disorder of our discontent that results in divorces, depression and eating disorders.

I think we have a case.

Think back to when we were little girls. If someone asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, did we say, a self-sufficient, independent woman? An emotionally stable individual? A generally happy and content person?

No! We said, "a princess."

When you ask a grown woman of our age what she looks for in a man does she say, "I want a man who can find his own underwear, rinse a plate, and has the common decency to wipe a toilet seat every once in a while." You're likely to hear that answer only from a married woman. The single woman describes Prince Charming. Both women bought the fairytale but only the married woman has discovered she bought an inferior product.

I wonder how many women of the Disney generation have been deceived by the happily ever after? Ever after what is what I want to know. Ever after Cindy started taking the meds to prevent her from thinking mice were talking to her? Ever after the Prince, through couples therapy, realized he can still be a Prince and yet help out a little around the palace? I mean, c'mon! Where's the responsibility here? How many women do we have to lose to needless insecurities and maladies brought on by princely propaganda before we get a decent story line?

Yeah, we've seen some improvements over the years; granted, Belle is a studious heroine, I'll give you that. But a beast that holds her against her will, threatens to harm her family if she leaves him and erupts in a violent temper is her true love? Puh-lease!

And Mulan, clever dialogue and good music, but here we have parents embarrassed because their daughter isn't femine enough, a failed matchmaking attempt because she isn't docile enough and she has to disguise herself as a man in order to help her family and be accepted?

Is it really just a fairytale?

How about some warning labels on these opprobrious yarns passed off as entertainment for the kiddies, how about something like:

WARNING! Actually believing this fairytale may cause serious problems to your emotional and mental health. No real woman has ever, or will ever, change a beast into a prince. No real woman has ever, or will ever, be rescued by a kiss. No real woman has ever, or should ever, go around singing and whistling while cleaning up after a man, let alone seven gem-mining men. And no real woman has ever, or will ever, find happily ever after through anyone but herself. Prince Charming is available only in a limited supply. White horse and royal title not included. Certain restrictions apply. Users, losers and abusers are prohibited.

That'd do it for me and a future generation of women might be saved. 

But then, I'd have nothing to watch on Fox...

Ahhh, screw it. Bring on the dysfunction.

Molly Tillyer has been happily married to her husband for 98.32% of the ten years they've been together. She enjoys attending galas in her bedazzled sweat pants and riding off into the sunset in her Chrysler mini van.

These are supposedly comments from actual policemen, caught on camera...

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't  think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that  again or I'll give you another ticket.'

8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are  drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a  toaster oven.'

5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.' 

AND THE WINNER IS....
 1 You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?  You're right, we don't. Sign here

 

My Dad sent these (too funny). Supposedly these were actual comments from New York city teachers.

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

He said this was posted on a board when he reported in for work. I thought it was funny.

Mike Tillyer destroyed the periodic table, he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Mike Tillyer counted to infinity. Twice.
Mike Tillyer can kill two stones with one bird.
Mike Tillyer doesn't shave, he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Mike Tillyer is Mike Tillyer.
Mike Tillyer ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Mike Tillyer doesn't believe in France.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Mike Tillyer lives in New Mexico.
Some people wear Superman Pajamas. Superman wears Mike Tillyer pajamas.
Once you go Tillyer, you are physically unable to go back.
Mike Tillyer once pulled a single hair from his mustach and skewered three men through the heart with it.
Mike Tillyer is what Willis was talkin about.
As President Roosevelt said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself. And Mike Tillyer."
Mike Tillyer invented black. Actually, Mike Tillyer invented all colors except Pink.
Mike Tillyer doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Mike Tillyer can taste lies.
The square root of Mike Tillyer is pain. Don't try to square Mike Tillyer, the result is death.
To be or not to be, that is the question. The answer? Mike Tillyer
70% of human's weight is water. 70% of Mike Tillyer's weight is his ----.
Mike Tillyer doesn't say, "Who's your daddy?" He knows the answer.

I asked Lisa if I could post this. I, too, share her opinions on the benefits of homeschooling. (Molly)

  All parents think that their kids are different, exceptional, special, all children are- truly.

 

  A long time ago, I made a decision not to put my kids in public institutions, like public schools.

 

  I wanted them to know themselves first, before they knew the world, not the other way around.

 

  We can only know happiness, if we know ourselves first and I felt that if my kids were always gauging who they are based on society’s standards, their peer’s standards, the media’s standards, the system’s standards, then how would they have the chance to be purely who they are? They could not.

 

  So I keep them home, not hiding them from the world, but showing them the world for what it truly is, on as many levels as I possibly can.

 

  They know culture, compassion; they know that there are many ways in which people live, for they have lived in many ways.

 

  They are young thinking individuals, mature beyond their years, yet not fearful to play because it might be “un-cool.”

 

  They have perspective.

 

  They see past the need for fashion, and fake facades, to what is real, the heart, life, joy and reality.

 

  My kids are truly different. They enjoy life, for its worth. Laughter fills most everyday, in our home.

 

  To harden a child, is to harden the world.

 

You Know You Grew Up In the 80's if:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that 'WOAH' comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched 'Fraggle Rock.'
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
8. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
9. You know the profound meaning of ' WAX ON , WAX OFF'
10. You wanted to be a Goonie.
11. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
12. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
13. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
14. You took lunch boxes to school

15. You still get the urge to say 'NOT' after every sentence.
16. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
17. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
18. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying 'I know you are, but what am I?'
19. You remember 'I've fallen and I can't get up'
20. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
21. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
22. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
23. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
24. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
25. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
26. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as 'NKOTB'
27. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'Saved By The Bell,' The ORIGINAL class.
28. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
29. You just sang those words to yourself.
30. You still sing 'We are the World'
31. You tight rolled your jeans.
32. You owned a banana clip.
33. You remember 'Where's the Beef?'
34. You used to (and probably still do) say 'What you talkin' 'bout Willis?'
35. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!